Oh my love Oh it was a funny little thing To be the ones to've seen.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live the life of a dog? I have always been personally curious about this ever since I was a wee lad. I never understood why people were offended by being called a dog. It always seemed so appealing to me. You did whatever you want all day. When I was little the obvious pros were being able to smell things incredibly well, always having someone to play with, and various other childish wishes. Now it's a bit different. A common house dog's life seems ideal for many other reasons. Reason number one is that dogs are completely 100 percent care free. They don't worry about anything, everything they need is provided for them. Food, water, shelter, entertainment. Dogs also don't have to worry about going to work or making enough money or waking up on time. Life would be so much easier without all those worries. The second reason is that most dogs have the undivided pure love of their owner. No matter what a dog does in most cases it will still be loved and cherished. A dog could shit on the floor and get a harsh scolding but an hour or so later they are mans best friend again. In some cases a dog could bite or maim someone and still be loved by their companion. Reason number 3 is that dogs are satisfied with the smallest form of entertainment. Dogs are so easily entertained. All they need is a squeaky toy or a stick to chew on and they are busy for hours. Even without any of that they still find entertainment, chasing their tail, sniffing other dogs butts, ect. Reason number 4 is that a dog always has a best friend: their owner. It's like having a life long partner always by your side. Over all it just seems like the ideal life style for me. Fortunately I have the things that matter most in my life now. I always have my best friend: Emily. I am unconditionally loved by her and in return I unconditionally love her back. She is always by my side no matter what. Those two things make up for the stress from work or the lack of entertainment. All of the uncertainty and hopeless feelings that seem to collect and dwell are somehow dissipated. Like walking out of a smoky room and getting a breath of fresh air. I don't know how I ever survived without her. I'm at a loss for words so I will end this with a video.

 

I hope you like this song, Emily because for some reason it reminds me of you.

I love you cupcake :-)

Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.

Good evening everyone. Tonight I bring you more yo-yos. Only a few that I am thinking about getting. This is going to be a rough decision.

This first one is the 44 by Yoyofactory. It's supposed to be a great throw but I haven't heard much about it. It seems like it has a nice shape and a fair standard bearing. For 85 bucks this throw seems nice.

 This beauty right here is the Singularity by String Theory. This is a stunning throw. High quality metal with a nice bead blasted finish. It can take a few different response systems which is a major plus. It also has a nicer stock bearing. This throw is only 79 bucks.

This is the Bass Line by 3Yo3. All pretty standard. Decent bearing and flowable silicone response. This is supposed to be a solid player.

This is the Void by ILOVEYOYO. Also a very standard throw. The response on the site says it is Red Hot SILYYcone. I have no idea what that is but I suspect it is a brand specific type of flowable silicone. This throw is only 70 bucks.

This is the Mini Mo-Tu by Yoyojam. It's not all metal like the rest. It is also smaller. It has a double O-ring response and a standard bearing. It is only 42 bucks. Quite a steal if you ask me. Well that's about all for tonight. I love you Emily!

Fweepa niaga. Tolpa da bunky dunko.

Achuta mikiyuna. In case you are wondering I was speaking Huttese. It is a language derived from Star Wars. Unfortunately it's not a complete language yet. I hope to learn to speak it fluently some day. Yes I am that big of a nerd. Other than me geeking out, today I learned how to play Such Great Heights covered by Iron and Wine on guitar. My wonderful girlfriend and I are going to start a band and we are going to do this song as our first. I learned most of it a while ago but I couldn't quite get it down. Today I really got it down. It only took an hour or so to really get a grasp on the song. Now I can almost play it seamlessly, but sloppy. I will work out the kinks over the next couple of days. I should have it perfected by the end of the week. I am shopping for a new yo-yo for Christmas. I am having problems finding any in stock on all the major stores. Hopefully a mass restock will happen sometime soon. Speaking of presents, I have some shopping to do. I want to get a little something for everyone in my family and especially Emily. I have so many ideas on what to get her, yet I can't decide on any single one. I'm thinking I will get her a few things but I'm still unsure as to what exactly they will be. Well I don't know what else to say tonight so I guess I'm cutting this one short. And Emily, I love you baby cakes.

Mosquitos, Kicksides and Drifters. OH MY!

Hello everyone. This specific post is going to be about one of my favorite hobbies: Yo-yoing. If you are unfamiliar with what a yoyo is or does or if you are a retard let me fill you in. The yo-yo is a popular toy consisting of a length of string tied at one end to a flat spool. It is played by holding the free end of the string (usually by inserting one finger in a slip knot) and pulling at it so as to cause the spool to turn whilst suspended in mid-air, either taking up or releasing the string. First made popular in the 1920s, yo-yoing is still very much enjoyed by both children and adults, though it was originally made as a children's toy. This is a classic Imperial style yo-yo.

 

Recognize that? You should. These yo-yos are used for mainly looping tricks or 0A or AA style of play. Here is an example.

 

This style of play is not my strong suit. I suck at 0A and AA. The next shape of yo-yo is the butterfly or wing shape. It looks a little like this.

This kind of yo-yo is used for various styles of play including 1A, freehand or 5A, and offstring or 4A play. 1A is the most popular. Most of the yo-yoing population plays 1A style. 1A looks like this. (With a sweet Daft Punk Beastie Boy remix routine song!)

 

 This is the style I prefer to play at the moment. It's the basis of all the other wing yo-yo styles so I can go anywhere with it once I get good enough. Freehand style is a little more complicated than 1A. Freehand or 5A yo-yoing uses a counterweight attached to the string where you would normally put your finger. This allows for some amazing tricks that are just not possible by any other means. This style is pretty much owned by Duncan who legally owns the word "freehand". Kind of a dick move on Duncans part but oh well. This is what freehand yo-yoing looks like.

 

The next style is offstring or 4A play. 4A style is when the yo-yo is not attached to the string. The yo-yo is flung much like a top and caught on the string once it is spinning.  The yo-yos used in this style are slightly different than the previous 2. Offstring yo-yos are generally bigger in over all size, have wider gaps, and are padded on the rim because they are dropped frequently. Here is a demonstration of 4A yo-yo play.

 

That's some pretty sick stuff. Never thought a "child's" toy could be so complicated and skilled did you? This is just the begining of the yo-yoing world. There are still parts, materials, response systems and accessories of actual yo-yos let alone quality and price. Instead of going over all the options I'll just give you a run down of my small collection of throws (throw is slang for a yo-yo). My first yo-yo ever was a red Yomega X-Brain Wing. It was a clutch response system yo-yo for beginners that my aunt bought for me for my birthday. The clutch mechanism made the yo-yo automatically return when it was done sleeping. Everyone should know what a sleeper is. But this yo-yo is like impossible to do tricks on because if you are not really really quick it flies back up the string and completely fucks up your trick. A good starter yo-yo to learn basic throw from and sleeping on though. This was my X-Brain, only mine was red.

 

My next yo-yo was a red Duncan Mosquito. This was my first bearing yo-yo. This was a cheep yo-yo I picked up from Walmart. It was a nice intro to the world of bearing yo-yos. It has the standard Duncan friction sticker response system. I perfected my sleeping and started to learn the ways of 1A tricks on this throw. It looked like this.

 

The purple YoYoJam Kickside came next. This was a major game changer. The Kickside is considered by many a pro level yo-yo.It's made of a friction resistant plastic with a larger bearing and it is much bigger and heavier than my Mosquito. It has a hybrid response system, half starburst pattern half o-ring. It seems to work well. This yo-yo is the one I learned the trapeze on. The trapeze is the basis of all 1A play. The Kickside was pictured earlier, it's the purple one that demonstrates the wing shape of yo-yos. My latest addition to my arsenal of throws is the Duncan Metal Drifter. This is my first metal throw and I have to say it's my new favorite. It uses the same friction sticker response system that my old Mosquito uses but it is recessed for a more unresponsive feel. I have yet to break it in but I can already do far more tricks and achive a longer spin time than I could on my Kickside. The Drifter has these neat center caps that allow for adjustment to get rid of any wobble that might come straight out of the box. Luckily mine was spinning as true as ever right out of the box. It still needs broken in and a clean bearing but once I do that this throw will be one hell of a player. My Metal Drifter looks like this.

That's about all I have to say for tonight on the topic of yo-yos. Expect more on the topic soon! And Emily! I fucking lub you!

A day late and a dollar short.

Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone. I have never been a huge fan of Thanksgiving, or the holiday season in a whole for that matter. It always seems like I get depressed this time of year. I think it has something to do with me being around my family, which doesn't understand me at all. I can't help thinking that the more time I spend with them the more they seem to dislike me. Don't get me wrong, not all my family sucks. Actually its the majority that I don't mind being around all that much. It's just the one or two few that really get to me for some reason. I think that those select group of relatives really developed the deep hatred of college in me. I remember them asking me what I was going to do after I graduate, and upon me telling them they just faked a smile and nodded like they were assuring a small child that everything was going to be ok as the world was falling apart around them. I remember hearing them say that they expect me to go nowhere with anything I do in my life behind my back. Oh well they can't all be winners, right? This particular annual gathering of relatives was rather uneventful and overall not completely unbearable. The lack of support for my vegetarianism was expected. I should be used to it by now but I still get the urge to bust open a verbal can of whoop ass on people when they make a crack at my eating habits. I did get a lot of comments on how much weight I have lost though. Not compliments mind you, just people saying that I don't look the same as I did before. I weighed myself for the first time in about 11 months. Turns out I lost 42 pounds or so. I feel like I can lose another 20. The day after Thanksgiving I had to work. It was a normal day at work nothing good really but nothing bad either. That night I went out to the mall and hung out with Emily and her friend Cheyenne. I was surprised to see that I didn't know anyone working in any of the stores with the exception of Clares. I bought a mini remote control helicopter from the sporting goods store. It was a good purchase if you ask me. After the mall Emily came over and stayed at my house. This was the best part of my weekend. We just laid around and watched movies the whole time. I love it when she stays at my house. I wish she could do it more often. I never thought I could feel so happy being at home when she is there. Unfortunately all good things have to come to an end and Emily had to go home. The next day my mom and my two sisters went shopping. Overall it was a successful trip besides the minor meltdown that lead to an argument between my mother and my sister in the middle of the mall. I ended up getting some new pants and a few shirts and a coat. I can't wear any of it until Christmas except the coat. I picked myself up a new yoyo too. Yet another 20 bucks well spent. I just can't seem to hold on to money very well when I have it in my pocket. I have to many interests and hobbies that I can spend so much money on. At least I have something to keep myself entertained. I have more free time than I think I do. Usually I spend it sitting on the computer or doing something else nonconstructive. I think I might venture outside of my room more often. Usually being outside of my room leads to me getting irritated with people but I think I will give it a shot. Today was an ok day. Some things happened that really put me in a sub par mood though. I have a feeling it will take me a while to recover from that. Time heals all I suppose. All I can do is wait for myself to get over it. I can't help feeling like it was all my fault but then again I still feel like I should defend my point. I don't know what to do but at least it is all behind me now. That's about all I have to say for tonight. Oh and baby cakes, I love you. Good luck with your audition tomorrow!

Awaken The Dreamers.

Good evening everyone. I had a terrific weekend. Not that any of you really care but if you do I'm going to tell you about it, if you don't then you can kindly get the fuck off of my blog. Well anyway, Friday was uneventful. Saturday is where my weekend really began. I went over to Emily's house and chilled out for a bit and ate some cheese cauliflower soup. It was delicious. We then went to a show/birthday party. We had a great time there. Made some new friends and got to see a few bands. On our way back from the show I got a gigantic bean burrito from Sheetz. It was beyond delicious. When we got back to Emily's we pretty much passed out. Emily's mom took pictures of me when I was sleeping. It's not nearly as creepy as it sounds. I guess my septum ring got hooked on the blanket while I was sleeping and Emily's mom had to unhook me. Over all it was in interesting night. Then the next day Emily and I watched Star Wars Episode One. She barely paid attention to the movie but that's alright in my opinion it's the worst movie in the series. After that we just hung out all day. Emily plucked my eyebrows. She did a good job because now I don't look like I'm part gorilla. Later on that night I called my mom for a ride home and she didn't feel like coming to get me so I stayed at Emily's another night and walked to work in the morning. This morning was probably the best morning I have had in a while. Getting woken up by a hug and a kiss is much better than an alarm. Then Emily and I ate some cereal. I didn't want to eat but I knew Emily would want me to so I did anyway. After that came the worst part of my past 3 days. Having to say goodbye to Emily. It's always so difficult but we manage to do it all the time. After that I walked to work. Work was surprisingly not that bad. My normally silent co-worker was rather talkative today. You would be surprised how much a little conversation can brighten up your day. All we talked about is how other people we work with suck. Which is alright with me because most of them do suck. When I thought my day was mostly over my boss comes out and asked me to work till 5. That makes one 10 hour day this week. Tomorrow I'm going in early so that chalks up 2, 10 hour days. This coming paycheck is going to be super bad ass. Maybe I'll buy myself a new TV. I'm thinking a 40 inch LCD would be nice. I need to start Christmas shopping too. I don't think I'm going to go overboard with my family this year. Probably something small for each of them. I'm going to buy Emily a few things though. And I'm going to buy myself some stuff too. I don't buy much stuff but when I do it's usually one hell of a indulgence. My next large purchase should be a car. I have a bunch picked out but getting anyone to look at them with me is like fucking brain surgery. Oh well I'll get one eventually I guess. I should get to bed now that I only have 3 hours of sleep until my impending 10 hours of work crashes upon me like a speeding train.

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white, just our hands clasped so tight waiting for the hint of a spark.

Hello everyone. Sorry for my recent hiatus from blogging. I have just been drained from work lately. I have been working 10 hour days for the past few days. It gets to you more than you would think. Today now that it is the 18th is a very special day. Today makes it exactly 5 months since Emily and I started dating. I can honestly say that the past 5 months have been the best of my life and it just keeps getting better. I have never felt the way I feel now being with Emily. I hope it lasts forever. Every day just gets better and better. I think the best part is that every time I see her I still get that nervous feeling I got that cold night in the back of my mom's van when I asked Emily out. It's like she takes all the parts of my life that are unstable or that I am unsure about and supports them and reassures me just by her being there. She takes all the pieces of my life that are fragmented and scattered about and puts them all back together. I love her with all of my heart. I almost feel like this is a dream because I didn't think love like this really happened in real life. And Emily I know you are reading this, I love you more than I previously thought was humanly possible. I can't live without you and I hope you feel the same way. Baby cakes, you are my everything and I hope it's always that way. I wish I had more to say but my mind is just a mess right now. I wish I could express how I felt better. I feel like I have problems getting my thoughts through to other people. It's especially hard explaining feelings that I have never had before. I guess there is a first time for everything right?

Collect Some Stars to Shine for you.

Greetings readers. Today was a good day. Work was easy and painless I got an awesome breakfast sandwich, and got to leave half an hour earlier than usual. After work came the highlight of my day. Spending the rest of it with my baby. Even if today was a shitty day at work just seeing her would make it all go away. Even if I just caught a glimpse of her walking down the street from a passing car. All of my dissapointment, my anger, frustration and stress are gone. They just disappear like they were never there. The feeling I get when I'm with her is just indescribeable. I can't get enough of it. I know Emily is all I blog about really but the truth is I write about what's on my mind and she is constantly on my mind. Which is good because I never want her to leave. I just love her so much that it's hard to out into words. I have never been at a lack of words in my life and she is the one thing that dries up my proverbial ink well of words. Every time she looks at me and smiles it's like I fall in love with her all over again..... I love you baby cakes.

Contused Patella.

Greetings blog readers. I was just looking at my stats for my blog and was shocked to see how many international views I have. So I would like to make a shout out to all my homies in the far parts of the world. I would love to travel to all the places where people have viewed my blog. The thing I love about travel is all the different culture. Just seeing the small things that people do differently all around the world is interesting to me. Even as close as Canada is I would love to go there just to see how things are different. Like I heard that in Canada milk isn't sold in a jug it's sold in a bag. How awesome is that? It's little shit like that, that gets me. Speaking of little things, I was talking to Emily on the phone earlier tonight and we started talking about the little tings that we do that we find cute about each other. I told her that I love the face she makes when she laughs. I could be so sad and depressed and see that cute little squinty eye thing she does and I would instantly be better. I could go on for days about how much she means to me and the tiny little things she does that are cute. I love her so much. It seems like I am falling more and more in love with her every day. I will be perfectly content if I never stop falling. I don't have much else to say so I guess I will cut his one short tonight. I love you baby cakes!

Quick Stop.

Hello everyone. This is the second blog from my phone. Well third if you count the one I spent an hour meticulously tapping out and then completely lost because of some bullshit app. In fear of losing all of this blog I am going to keep things short and to the point. Today was a good day. Work went by fast and was actually mildly enjoyable compared to most days which are usually equivalent to being slowly crushed under a rock. After work Emily and I walked around looking for job applications. She only got one and it was from a video rental place. If she gets that job I will be totally jealous. I love movies. I just think that amount of work and coordination it takes for so many people to make a movie is astonishing. Someday I would like to be part of the movie making business. It's a stretch I know but I can always dream right? I hate how unsure I am about any of my future career options. It seems like everyone else has everything figured out and I'm just left in the dust working shit jobs. Oh well I guess I could always work at a video store.

Hello...

Hello everyone. This is my first blog from my phone. I had a hell of a time finding a decent blogger app but finally I found one that seems to work. It takes a while to type this out on my phone but my computer is being shitty tonight. Plus I need to get better at typing on my phone. Anyway I had a good weekend. On Friday I went to the football game. I really have no interest in local high school football. I only go because Emily is in the marching band. It was ridiculously cold out that night and the seats were wet. Luckily I got a poncho to sit on. Two annoying girls always seem to sit behind me whenever I go to a game. Every time they open their mouths I get closer and closer to turning around and flipping shit on them. It sounds like I bitch a lot about things at the football games but the truth is that I would endure it all just to see Emily. After the game I went to her house and stayed the night. We stayed up late and watched movies with her mom all night. I love doing things like that. The only thing that can make a movie night better is a movie night with Emily. The next morning Emily's mom made a huge breakfast. It was delicious. A while after that I got a text from my mom saying that she would be in the area and asking if I wanted a ride home. I didn't want to go but my parents get pissy when they have to go out of their way to pick me up. So I decided to go home. After I got home something snapped. My mood just turned and I felt terrible. I think it was set off by having to leave Emily. A lot of things have been on my mind lately and it has just been building and building. I was a mess to say the least. Luckily Emily was there for me to talk to. She called me and we talked on the phone for a bit but some people showed up at her house so she had to go. Fortunately I could keep texting her. We had the deepest conversation that I have ever had with anyone. She was there for me and that's all I could ever ask for in a person. She was getting tired so she went to bed. I didn't sleep much that night and the little sleep I got was still and dreamless as usuall. I woke up the next morning at about six am. I felt like I haven't slept for days. Emily texted me about an hour later and we continued our conversation from the night before. Then we spent the rest of the day talking to eachother. I have never felt so close to her. I feel closer to her than I do to my parents. I feel like she is the only person who completely understands me. I can't explain how she makes me feel. Without her I would truly be lost. After being so close to her all day I had to say goodnight which was difficult. I didn't want to stop talking to her and the more I think about it the more I miss laying beside her. I just can't wait until I hear from her or see her again. It's like everything is in black and white when I'm not with her and when we are together everything is so bright and vibrant. I can't wait until everyday is colorfull. Emily I love you with all my heart and don't you ever forget it baby cakes.

I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming.

Good evening readers. I have been in an odd mood lately. I don't know why but for some reason I feel it has something to do with my last blog post. It's hard to explain. I don't have much to talk about tonight so I decided to give you a walk through of the day I had today. It starts off with me awakening from my alarm clock on my new phone. It wasn't nearly as loud as I would have hoped it would be but I still have some settings I can mess with. I roll out of bed and get dressed in my usual work attire, a stained white t-shirt grease stained jeans my beanie and my brown hoodie. I could either be considered extremely fashionable or a bum. I tend to feel like more of a bum in my work clothes. After getting dressed I got a drink of water which I can not drink to fast because it is hard for me to breathe in the morning and I feel like I am suffocating when I drink a glass of water. I then messed with my phone for a few minutes as I waited for my dad to get up and get ready to leave. The car ride was average for me and my dad, no spoken words except "see ya" when I get out. After I arrived at work and messed with my phone and texted Emily while I waited for 7:00 AM to roll around. Once it was 7 I walked out into the shop asking everyone what they knew about the move we were scheduled to do today. Everyone said that it was an 11,000 load, which if you know nothing about moving is a decent amount. Everyone bitched about how much bullshit moves are as we gathered up mattress bags and pads to put into the rented uhaul truck. Then we stood around and bitched about moving some more until it was time to go. I rode with Billy as I usually do because Billy and I are now the only 2 people at work who don't smoke, and Billy is really the only person I can really stand to be around for extended periods of time. The move was only a few miles away which was unfortunate because I like long car rides. After arriving at the destination we exit our respective vehicles and congregate around the garage door of the house and speak with the elderly man who is the resident of this humble abode in which we will be emptying of all their worldly possessions. He clears up the few questions we have and we promptly get to unloading the house and loading up the trucks. We started with boxes and small soft things. There was a bag of stuffed animals in the one bedroom which I picked up and started to carry out. On my way out I saw a teddy bear sitting on the couch next to the husband of the couple we were moving. I politely asked if it was being moved and the older man replied with a yes. So i picked it up and started walking out to the truck. As I was walking away I heard the husband let out a sad sounding "bye". For some reason that made me really sad. Call me emotional I don't care. After that the rest of the move is a blur. Just picking up heavy articles of furniture and sitting them in a truck. We finished loading at about 11:30 and got back to the shop at about 11:45. When we got back I started stitching boxes together by hand with a pneumatic staple gun. I normally don't mind stitching but today I was just in no mood to stitch at all. Luckily for me I did it for the rest of the day non stop. After work was over I walked to Emily's house. This was by far the best part of my day. It's like my entire day consists of me being underwater and when I look up from my phone and see her walking towards me on the sidewalk it's a breath of fresh air. We hugged and kissed and walked back to her house as she told me we had to walk into town to get some things for her mom. After we got to her house I asked how her cat Junior was doing because he has been sick. Emily her mom and I talked about that for a while. Then we started talking about ringtones on our cellphones when Emily's mom's friend Cody got back from getting cigarettes. Cody said he was thirsty so Emily's mom volunteered her to make Kool-Aid for him. I was messing with the GPS feature on my phone and walked out into the kitchen to show Emily that my phone said I was sitting in the middle of the river. Emily then poured Cody a glass of bright blue Kool-Aid and offered me one also. After drinking my beverage I told Emily that my mom was coming at 5 to get me so we better go to the store now. We said bye to everyone and started walking down the street hand in hand. As we were walking past this one house a lady emerges from her front door in a full out conversation. I didn't see anyone else around so I thought she was talking to herself but Emily explained to me that her husband isn't around a lot so she talks to her cats. I told her that I thought that was sad. We continued walking saying that we were hungry the whole time. When we got to the store we wondered around looking for things we could eat on the way back. I decided on 2 chocolate eclairs and a small container of macaroni salad. Emily picked up the few things her mom needed and we paid for our items and left the store. As we were walking through the parking lot I opened the eclairs and gave one to Emily. She said she has never had an eclair before. I told her they were French. Once we got to about the end of the grocery store parking lot someone beeped so I turned around and looked acting like I was drunk. After that I started to stumble around slurring my words and Emily told me I was going to get picked up for being drunk in public. I finished my eclair and threw the container that it came in onto a pile of garbage in front of a dumpster and started eating my macaroni salad. We walked back to Emily's house and when we were about to get onto her street my phone rang and it was my sister. She was freaking out because I wasn't at Emily's house when they went there to pick me up. I told her where I was and was about to cross the busy street when Emily yelled at me and told me to wait for a car to pass. As I was hanging up the phone Emily was starting to run across the street. She didn't see a white van speeding towards her at about 45 miles an hour and ran out in front of it. I didn't have time to even yell at her to stop. As I saw the van swerve and miss her by less than a foot my heart skipped a beat. We then walked across the street and my mom came and picked us up and gave us a ride back to Emily's house. I kissed her goodbye and explained her near death experience with my mom and my sister. My heart was still racing and I was still in a state of minor panic. I talked to my mom and sister about my mom's friends and which ones I don't like. When I arrived at home I sat around for about 15 minutes and texted Emily. I then decided to get a shower so I turned on the internet radio on my phone and proceeded to get in the shower. After that I went to my room and messed with my phone and texted Emily until I fell asleep. I was awoken by a phone call from Emily. I am glad she called because I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight if she didn't call me. After texting her for a bit more I started writing in my blog. And now I am here. I don't know what else to say so I guess I will put up an acoustic version of one of my favroite KoRn songs. I love you Emily.

Does this make me not a man?

Hello everyone. I recieved my phone today. It is so bad ass. I can't quit messing with it. But anyways to my main focus for post tonight, music. I am kind of ripping off my girlfriends idea in her blog but it was interesting and I like it. Oh and if you didn't come from her blog already you should check it out its www.izzysmiles.blogspot.com.

 

The first band is Between the Buried and Me. They are a technical metal band. I first discoverd them when looking for covers of classic rock songs. After listening to a few songs and liking them I promptly forgot about them for about a year or so. Then my friend Nathan showed them to me again. That time they stuck with me. I have been listening to them ever since. 

 

The next band is Pantera. I got into this band in about 9th grade. I don't remember exactly how. But after hearing a few songs I became obsessed. I listened to them constantly. This band and their guitarist was what made me want to start playing guitar. This band truly got me into playing music. They are not all that technical like the music I am into now is but I still enjoy throwing in a Pantera CD in every once and a while. I can honestly say that this band changed my life by inspiring me to pick up the guitar.

 

The Red Hot Chili Peppers is the next band on the list. My mom got me into this band when I was young. I remember her singing the song Pea in the car and then telling me not to tell my dad that she let me listen to it. Since then I have always liked them. All their songs are good and I could listen to them for hours on end. They are so unique and even their old music is so fresh sounding to me. I will forever be a fan.

 

This band if you don't recognize them is Metallica. This picture is circa 1991 which happens to be the year I was born and the year I first heard Metallica. My dad used to play their music all the time when I was younger. I have listened to Metallica literally all my life. They used to lull me off to sleep when I was an infant and some days they still do. This band was also part of the reason why I started playing guitar.

KoRn is a very important band to me. I first heard them on MTV when I was in 7th grade. I was watching music videos when one of their songs came on. It was Alone I Break from their album Untouchables. From that one single song I was hooked. After that I watched MTV every day in hopes of hearing just a part of one of their songs. I remember one day my dad walked in the room when they were on TV and he asked if I liked them. I quickly said no because I knew he would judge me for it. Not only is this band extremely unique but they are very meaningful. Most of their songs are about the struggles of the lead singer Jonathan Davis. I can identify with many of the experiences he has been put through. Their music has helped me through some tough times in my life. In particular the very first song I ever heard from them. Little did I know on the sunny afternoon sitting in front of my TV in my living room home alone mesmerized by Jonathan Davis killing off the other members of the band that years later that song would help me in ways I couldn't imagine. Out of all these bands this one has helped me the most. I will always be in debt to KoRn.

That's about all I can think of tonight for bands. I should really get some sleep...... or play with my phone. I think I'll play with my phone. Oh and Emily I love you baby cakes!

And crawling, on the planet's face, some insects, called the human race. Lost in time, and lost in space... and meaning

Hello everyone. Sorry for the lack of posting yesterday. I was beat from trick or treating with Emily and her friend Cheyenne and my little brother Eli. It was fun even though we only got to go for like a half an hour because my parents just disregard my perfectly orchestrated plans. I got a few good pieces of candy but I doubt I will be eating any of it because I am seriously considering becoming vegan. I think I will start weening myself off of milk and egg products in the next 2 months and make it a new years resolution. I already quit smoking and I can't think of much else to quit so I am thinking this will be a good direction to go. If you didn't know I have a thing for dropping bad habits like.... well bad habits I guess. About 2 years ago I quit drinking pop. If you don't know what pop is let me explain. In northwestern Pennsylvania "pop" is a carbonated soft-drink such as Coke, Pepsi, Mt. Dew, ect. I have had a sip every now and again but most were accidental and I haven't had a full pop in 22 months 23 hours and 42 minutes. Then the next year I went vegetarian. It wasn't as nearly as hard as not drinking pop which really surprised me. I have been on a vegetarian diet for exactly 10 months 23 hours and 42 minutes. I started not eating meat just for the sheer challenge but eventually the health and animal rights benefits came into light and I realized how much I love being a vegetarian. Being a vegetarian has really changed me in a good way. Meat honestly disgusts me now. Just the smell of it turns my stomach. Milk and eggs are starting to get the same way with me. Not only has a different diet changed my appetite it changed how I think about the meat industry. It is violence and shouldn't be tolerated. I'm not going to preach on about it because it never made an impact on me until I did some research myself. But anyways back to my reoccurring blog topic, I ordered my phone : the Droid X. It should be here Wednesday. I'm excited. I don't feel like going with a overall theme for the post tonight so I'm just going to keep it random and sporadic. I had a busy weekend last weekend. Friday I tried to go to a zombie walk with Emily Cheyenne and my sister Kaitlyn but once again my Mother disregarded my plans and did what she wanted so we got there when it was over. After that we hung around ,still dressed up as zombies mind you , until about 8. Then we went to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Awesome movie by the way. If you ever have the chance to go see it in a theater definitely do it. After the movie I went back to Em's house and stayed the night. The next day we went to a show and saw a few local bands. I was overall impressed with all the performances that night. Especially Power they were great. Then I went home and went to bed because I had a splitting headache. I wish I would have stayed at Emily's again. But I talked with her on the phone all night anyway. The next day I went trick or treating. All in all it was a good weekend only because I got to spend so much time with Emily. I love her more and more every day. I'm glad I am so comfortable around her. I have never had a girlfriend that I felt like that around. I wish I could just pack up my stuff and move away with her now, but unfortunately we have to wait until she graduates. I could wait forever for her. I'm out of things to say so I guess I'll call it a night. And Emily I love you baby cakes, try not to blush to much when you read this.

He systematically cut their heads off one by one.

I'm having a lack of inspiration lately. I can't think of any original content to bore you with so I will just ramble on about the new phone I picked out. I posted before that I was getting the Droid 2 R2-D2 special edition. I lied I decided on the Droid X. It can do everything that the Droid 2 can do and more. It has a higher quality camera (8 Megapixel) and shoots high definition video (true 720p) and has a HDMI output so you can play movies on a HDTV. It has more memory, 8 gigs internal with a 16 gig card preloaded. It has a gigantic screen measuring in at 4.3 inches with a 480x840 resolution. 9 home screens instead of 7. Mulitple microphones (3) located in various points over the phone for noise cancellation during calls and clearer audio recording during video. It's pretty much an all around better phone and here's the kicker..... It's the same price as a regular Droid 2. So if I bought the R2-D2 Droid 2 I would be paying 50 bucks more for less of a phone really. I can't pass up something like this. I also learned that Lucasfilm. Itd. owns the rights for the word "Droid". So from every Droid phone that is sold George Lucas is getting more money, hopefully to make more Star Wars movies. I would gladly spend a little money to fund a new Star Wars movie. Especially if I get a bad ass phone for it too. Why not show a picture of it because it is overall just an amazing looking phone.

Anyway, Sorry for the boring posts. Lately I've just been talking about cellphones and frankly I am probably boring the shit out of you. I promise I will come up with something interesting soon. But it's about time for me to hit the ol' dusty trail so goodnight everyone. I love you Emily!

Spell check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Greetings everyone. I have officially hit 100 views on my blog. Which is awesome. I actually like writing which is a big change from when I was in high school. I don't have much to say tonight. I have a few idea for better posts but I never start writing early enough to finish them so I just have this bullshit to post on here. It's just a waste of time really but oh well I like doing it. I think I might have to go on a move tomorrow which could either be a good or bad thing. Most moves are decent. Some are horrible. The horrible ones usually consist of dirty people with way to much shit, none of it packed in boxes. Or they are neat freaks that lay down plastic on the carpet and bitch about everything that we do or don't do. I like the moves that are far away. The longer the drive the better. Usually I end up riding with Billy and all we do is talk about video games. Moving is usually a painless experience and a welcomed change in scenery. I don't mind it at all when it's a 8 and a half hour job but when it gets to 16 hours that's when I start to get a little ornery. But money is money I guess. To bad I'm only making a little. I guess that's all I have to say for tonight. Sorry for the short post. Goodnight everyone. And I love you Emily!

If I got no meaning, would you force me to a place where I make sense?

Good evening everyone. I don't have much to write about tonight, but I will probably sit here for about an hour just rambling on an on about stuff that no one really cares about. I think I am going to make a few small changes in my life soon. I have already started with a major step: quitting smoking. Smoking was a major, hobby/habit of mine. Smoking seemed to cure whatever was bothering me. If I was pissed, sad, lonely, hungry, thirsty, tired, stressed whatever I was feeling a cigarette would help. Looking back on that now I realize the cigarettes weren't helping. I just thought they were which is what kept me smoking. I was truly psychologically addicted. Which is scary to think about, but I am kicking the habit. The next thing I'm going to change is what I do with my free time. I am going to start working out a little maybe some running or something of the sort. Along with the light workout schedule I am going to start playing more guitar and writing more music and lyrics. I feel like I need a creative outlet. I may also start writing a few short stories. Hopefully all these ideas don't get the best of me and I don't loose ambition, because I am notorious for my lack of ambition. I think the best way to go about this is to take it in steps. One small thing at a time. I'm going to start with the music and work my way to the writing which will hopefully help with some lyrics then to the workout routine. Working out will be the most difficult but I won't have to do it every day just a few times a week. On another note I have been loosing motivation at work also. It's hard for me to do a good job when I don't see any of the money I make, so I think I will make a semi expensive purchase soon. I'm thinking new cellphone. I am eligible for an early upgrade due to what I pay on my monthly contract. It's not a big discount but I know my phone I have now won't last another 7 months until my 2 year upgrade. I'm thinking about getting a Droid 2, but not just any Droid 2. I'm getting the limited edition R2-D2 Droid 2. It's 50 bucks more than the Droid 2 but it comes with a charging dock and a bunch of extra wallpapers and ring-tones and other stuff and the back looks like fucking R2-D2. Over all the charging dock and the custom paint job is worth the extra 50 dollars. I'll post a picture so everyone can be jealous of the bad ass phone I'm picking up in a few days.

 

It will probably be here by next week. I'm excited already. This phone is a tank it has a 1GHz processor which is just a little less than one of the processors on my dual core laptop. 8 gigs of on board memory and comes preloaded with a 8 gig microSD card but it supports up to a 32 gig microSD. A 5 megapixel camera with dual led flash capable of geo tagging. DVD quality video shooting up to 30fps and playback up to 30fps. Full feature web browser with flash on 3G network or WiFi. 3G mobile hotspot that provides a WiFi access point for up to 5 devices. Multi-point touch screen with pinch to zoom feature and 7 fully customizable home screens, and much much more. If you know anything about phones then you know why I'm excited to upgrade from my glitchy 3G multimedia phone to this titan of a mobile device. Well that's about all I got to say for tonight. Goodnight world.... And I love you Emily.

Set Me On Fire.

A weekend well spent in my opinion. I didn't get to see Emily which was the only thing that could have made it better. But things can only be so good, right? Emily's phone is finally back on now and we can talk like we used to. God I missed talking to her all the time. It's so refreshing to be able to actually carry a conversation with her again that lasts more than 10 minutes. I can't wait to talk to her all day tomorrow. My friend Jared flew up from Tennessee this morning for his birthday. It sounds lame to say but I miss him a lot. Jared and I used to hang out constantly. I always enjoy hanging out with him and the few other friends I rarely get to see. It's always fun to find things to do when there is absolutely nothing to do. Today we tried to gather up supplies to play some paintball which turned out unsuccessful. Eventually we just ended up watching cheesy Kung-Fu movies and sneaking around peoples houses at night. Sounds like we are a group of delinquents or something but it's really a lot of fun to sneak around and book it when lights turn on. I don't know what else to talk about so I will end this brief blog post. Oh and I love you Emily. And to my few other blog followers thanks for reading!

Perspective.

Well so much for the awesome week. Today I was informed by Emily that several of her friends don't like me. They say that I come off as a pompous dick that thinks I'm better than them. I like her friends. I have nothing against any of them they are all good people. I don't think I am better than them or anyone for that matter. It's all in perspective. Specifically when it comes to thinking that anyone is better than anyone else. Perspective is a big deal to me and I believe that if people would just think from another point of view that life would be easier for everyone. Unfortunately it's not that easy. Everyone gets caught up and forgets to think how you make other people feel when you talk to them, and the people who are getting treated less than fairly do the same in thinking that they are being treated that way for a specific reason. This is exactly what happened. I have this thing where I correct people. Most of the time I don't realize I do it, but I guess I do it a lot. This irritated people, and I can honestly say I understand why they are irritated. They then, from what I am lead to believe, have grown to think that I have this notion that I am better than them, which is also completely understandable. I would probably react the same way if I were in their shoes. Let me reiterate and just state again that I don't think I am better than anyone else and if I seem that way I truthfully don't mean it. I know it's how I came across and I continued to do it even after hints were made but I didn't realize this was the idea that was being cast over me. I would like to sincerely apologize to anyone who I may have done this to. Even if I have done this without realizing it, it is still my fault. I know first impressions are hard to change but I am going to try and change anyone's who thought of me like this. Emily is important to me, and her friends are important to her. Which makes them equally important to me. I never knew I had that kind of effect over people and I am actually very embarrassed about it. It's particularly embarrassing to me because I pride myself on being a firm believer of the saying "Walk a mile in someone's shoes.". I always try to view things from another perspective and keep an open mind but sometimes I just overlook things. I would like to apologize again because this whole situation has made me feel like such a prick, and the feeling is completely deserved in my part for acting like such. I may have acted like a prick but I can assure you that I am not a full time prick. I now understand that my personality can come off strong and things I say which may not be a big deal to me can be huge to someone else. When I correct and nitpick like I do I don't mean for it to be in a hurtful way. I guess it's just how I am. No one has ever complained about it before so this is completely new to me. I would like the chance for people to change their mind about me because I feel as if people haven't  gotten to know me well enough to know that when I do some things I don't mean for them to sound like they do. Most of the people I talk to as in close friends and such, have known me for 10 plus years. I know how to deal with them and they know how to deal with me. But when it comes to new people I guess I'm just not so good at being a welcoming person. I forget that not everyone knows me as well as other people do. I now understand that I seem like I judge people when really I try my hardest not to. I know that most of the people I have done this to will probably not read this. But if I can change one opinion about me it will be worth it. And Emily, I love you.

Fuck Ice.

This has been an excellent week so far. Nothing has been different except that I got to see Emily every day so far. Unfortunately I won't get to see her tomorrow, but I have high hopes for Friday. Today was exceptionally lame compared to the earlier couple of days all though today was still decent. Work was mediocre at best. Not bad but not good either. After work I dropped by Emily's house real quick to grab a bag of clothes I left there. I was only there for a minute or two. I wish I could have stayed longer. Emily told me earlier today that she left me a little note in my bag of clothes. Reading it was one of the best parts of my day. I love it when she does stuff like that. My mom had to go to the store so while she was inside I read the note like three or four times. Then I ate a cookie and drank some ice water. After the water was gone I wanted to chew on some ice. As I tried to bite a hunk of frozen together ice cubes I ended up biting my tongue really hard. The only thing I could do to vent my frustration from biting my tongue was to scream obscenities at the ice. Then I found these floss pick things that you use to floss your teeth. So I used one and ended up making my gums bleed. So I swore at the floss pick too. After that I noticed an old lady walking through the parking lot staring at me. An intense stare down ensued. I won. All I did when I got home was play PSP games and talk to Emily on the phone. All in all today was a good day.

Strawberry Poptarts.

Hello everyone. Tonight's post will be quick due to my busy night and it being late. I saw a movie tonight with Emily her friend Cheyenne. As we were standing outside of the theater waiting for the movie to start I saw my friend Nathan and his mom walk up. They were seeing the same movie that we were which was Jackass 3D. I have to say overall Jackass was worth going to see. I don't have a weak stomach but the one part almost made me ralph all over the floor. It was awesome. After the movie Emily Cheyenne and I walked over to Walmart. We shopped for sunglasses and the one lady who worked there said I would have looked good in the little kids Micky Mouse sunglasses that had a visor with mouse ears on them. If they would have fit my head better I would have bought them right then and there. Then we walked to the back of the store and got some 47 cent cartons of tea. I love that tea but Emily and Cheyenne weren't fans. Cheyenne ended up throwing hers allover the ground and Emily gave the rest of hers to Cheyenne. Cheyenne then proceeded to drink from it like it was the Holy Grail or something. I made fun of her and called her carton of tea a glorious chalice. Emily and Cheyenne laughed uncontrollably about that for a while I didn't think it was all that hilarious. Probably because it didn't compare to watching someone have explosive shit fly out of their ass onto a model train set or blow bubbles by farting. After that was the worst part of my night. I had to say goodbye to Emily. I hate saying goodbye to her. After her and Cheyenne left I had to hang out at Walmart till my Mom came and got me. I looked around the video game section and decided to make a few purchases. I bought a new charger for my PSP and a new game. Now I will have some entertainment for a few weeks. I got to talk to Emily on the phone for a bit which was nice. She thinks I hate talking on the phone but I really don't. I hate calling people I don't talk to all the time on the phone. Like my grandparents or a friend of a friend or like a pizza place.  After I got off the phone I read Emily's blog which honestly almost made me cry. It was about how she was sick before we started dating and the first time she told me that she loved me. I remember it so well. I was at my friends Matt and Logan's house. I woke up early just to text Emily. We were texting like normal and all of the sudden she didn't reply for a while. Once she texted me back she told me she coughed up a lot of blood and was on her way to the hospital. I was so worried I didn't know what to do. I was telling Matt about it trying to hold off tears in his kitchen as I was toasting a strawberry Poptart. As I was telling Matt about the situation Emily told me that everything was going to be alright and that she loved me. I replied that I believed her and that I loved her too. I dreaded telling every other girlfriend I have ever had that I loved them. It always sounded awkward to me. But with Emily it was never awkward and we weren't even dating at the time. I was still insanely worried and truthfully I am still a little worried about her. I don't know what else to say in this blog. It was supposed to be short but it ended up taking me an hour to write and all I did was ramble about my day which was actually eventful for once. But I have to be getting to sleep. I love you Emily!!!!

Where you born on a chicken farm?

As of now right this minute as I am typing this into my blog I have been dating Emily for exactly 201 days 20 hours and 48 minutes. I can honestly say that since then my life has never been the same. That exact moment on an early Friday morning will never leave my mind for as long as I live. I was camping with my family that weekend. I had the Thursday before off work so we went early to the campground and set up. I was not enthused to be there at all. I remember distinctly how bored I thought I would be the entire time. Luckily Emily was able to talk to me through Myspace messages. I spent all day Thursday talking to her late into the night. I was sleeping in my Mom's van because there was not enough room for me to sleep comfortably in the camper we brought. This was fine with me because I could stay up as late as I wanted without bothering anyone else in my family. Emily and I had been talking about how my Mom had asked me about her and if we were dating and how everyone thinks we would be a good couple. She told me to look at her comments to see what her friend Beth was saying about us. I told her I saw it and said that it sounds like from the half of the conversation that I read that she is going to wait for me to ask her out, which horrified me I have never asked anyone out I have barely been asked out myself. She played dumb and acted like she had no idea what I was talking about and quickly assumed that I was drunk. Eventually the conversation shifted to the question game. The question game is something Emily and I used to do just to get to know each other and because it was very entertaining. We quickly got bored of the question game and started telling each other cheesy pickup lines. After doing that for a while I started to get tired and started dosing off. It makes me sound like a horrible person falling asleep like that but right before I go to sleep and that half sleep where you are just starting to loose control of the ability to open your eyes is where I enter intense thought. All I could think about was Emily and that's how it had been for a while. I had never experienced this before. I have had girlfriends before though not many, I had realized that I have never really liked any of them let alone loved them. With Emily it was different. I distinctly remember thinking that to myself in the cold back seat of the van. Emily was still sending me Myspace messages containing cheesy pickup lines and I debated to myself weather I should ask her out or not. After a few minutes of stalling with her to make up my mind I finally decided after what seemed like hours of deliberation that I would go for it and I would do it now. I nervously typed out these exact words on my phone "Lol ok I got one more then I have to get some sleep lol so do want to make it official and start dating? Lol". I closed my eyes laid there for a second with one finger on the send button and one on the delete button. I was so anxious and nervous yet confident at the same time. There were a million thoughts running through my head. And then I did it. At 1:47 AM early morning on Friday June 18th I sent it. My heart was racing as I waited for the reply. Precisely 3 minutes later I got one. All it said was "ummm... yess! lol". At that second the biggest smile came across my face. At that second I was as happy as I have ever been before. And ever since then it's been perfect. I love Emily more and more every day. I feel like we are perfect for each other. She always says that I will get tired of her one day but I know that I will get tired of myself before she ever has that kind of effect on me. I know it's only been 4 months but I feel like I have been waiting all my life to meet her. This can't be a simple infatuation I know it's true love. Call me what you will and talk all the shit you want on how there is no such thing as true love but I know at least for me I have found it. In the vast sea of worthless people out there, all the wastes of human flesh and bone piled together in a poor excuse of a human being. I have found the one that I truly care about more than myself. I would give anything for Emily just to feel happy for a split second. I don't expect anyone else to get what I am saying or to agree with it at all. I don't even care what you have to say about my situation. I know what it is in my heart and I am in it for the long haul. Come whatever may I am up for it. Be it good times or bad. I wish I could verbally express it better, but English words that are in my vocabulary just fall short when I try to explain it so I will leave it at this. I love you Emily with all of my heart. I never want anyone else you are the only one for me and I couldn't picture myself without you at this point. I honestly don't remember what it's like to wake up and not have that void I felt before I had you. I love you more than Elvis loves fried chicken. Happy anniversary.

I understood writing could be dangerous. I didn't realize the danger came from the machinery.

Hello everyone. I think I am starting to get addicted to blogging. Every time I lay down to go to sleep I just feel like blogging. I may have replaced my addiction to cigarettes with writing. Sounds lame as hell but I guess it's a lot healthier. I got to see Emily today. It was only for a few hours but it was the highlight of my past week. All we did was walk around and complain about how bored we were but I would rather be bored with her than do a lot of other things. She drew me a picture a few days ago and she gave it to me tonight. I love it when she draws me things. I wish I could have seen her longer but at least we got the few hours we did. The weekend was so painfully boring that I was in a shitty mood the entire time. But I did do some cool stuff with my computer. I downloaded a few movies the most interesting one being the Naked Lunch. That movie is so fucked up I can't even explain the plot. If you like weird insect alien looking things that have penises on their heads which secrete 2 different intoxicating and addictive liquids, then this movie is for you. The other movie was Screamers. It's a dystopian future science fiction movie about self replicating adaptive robots that kill people. Dystopian movies are my thing. If you don't know what a dystopian movie is let me explain. The word dystopian describes literature that is often futuristic that is an anti-utopia. Oppressive governments with totalitarian overtones rampant with disease and social unrest usually post apocalyptic or very close to the actual apocalypse. Good examples are Watchmen, V for Vendetta, Soilet Green, Terminator all being some of the best movies in existence. Other than downloading movies I made my desktop a bad ass command center. Let me put up a picture so you can bask in my nerdiness.

Everything that is blue has been added by me and is fully interactive. I can monitor almost every aspect of my computer all from here. Read and write speeds and remaining space on my both of my HDDs, remaining and free Ram, temperature monitoring on everything, free space in my recycle bin, real time radar weather map, world time, and a Winamp controller plus a few other things. All on my desktop. All custom. All in real time. And yes that is a StarCraft background. God I love being a nerd. Speaking of being a nerd I downloaded a new MMORTS also this weekend. It's called League of Legends. If you are into any kind of RTS look into it it's free, simple to pick up, and fun as hell. It's been compared to DotA which I have never played but I know it is wildly popular. But anyway if you play already or decide to download it my username is joep4618 or Captainredbeard7 I'm not sure which. But I'm sure you are tired of hearing me blabber on about shit you probably don't care about. And I have to be getting to bed. And Metalocalypse is on soon. So goodnight and Emily if you are reading this which I know you are I love you!!!

Mother don't worry, she's got a garden we're planting together.

I have been in a terrific mood today for some reason. Nothing good happened nothing special at all actually. I don't know what it is but I like it. Hopefully it lasts. I may have to work some overtime this Saturday and I hope I do actually. If I do I will walk to Emily's house afterwords and spend the day with her. I don't think I have ever been so excited to work overtime in my life. It's now official Emily can make even the most undesirable activities perfectly tolerable. Even if I just got to see her for 5 minutes on Saturday I would still put up with the 8 and a half hours of work. I'm so glad that her and I found each other. Honestly, I can't imagine life without her. I have no idea what I would be doing or where I would be if I had never met her. I love her so much. I wish I could express it better and explain it how I feel it. Words just don't do it justice. She just makes me so happy by doing nothing. I could just look at her and it would put a smile on my face. She is perfect in every way. I like how when I start writing a blog with no real idea for a topic I end up talking about Emily. I'm sure everyone else who reads this is tired of hearing about her if anyone else even reads this. Oh well I'm not going to stop. I love you Emily.

Updating.

I don't have any philosophical shit to lay down tonight so I guess I will just blog about my plans for the rest of the month. As lame as it is I'm sure someone will read it. October is one of my favorite months just because I get to dress up. I don't even care if I go trick or treating or not I just like to dress up. Last year I painted my face corpse paint style. It was bad ass. This year I'm going full out zombie. I'm not saying pale face with black around my eyes and some fake blood. I'm going full out open wounds with oozing gashes and broken bones and split jugulars. I have been studying costume makeup for a while now and I bought the supplies I need at the local Halloween store.

There is a little sample of what I can do. That's my little sisters arm by the way. I am doing this makeup for myself and my wonderful girlfriend for the 2 zombie walks being held around here. Hopefully I will win a prize for best zombie. I'm getting anxious now the first zombie walk is only 9 days away. I think I may do the makeup for my family and we may go trick or treating as a zombie family. It's awesome I know. Hopefully there are some good Halloween parties this year but it's unlikely that anything will come up. Hopefully I will get to spend some time with Emily soon. I really wish I could talk to her like we used to. Her having her phone shut off is difficult but things could be much worse and I'm just thankful I get to talk to her at all. Quick subject change here. I had been previously learning a song for my girlfriend and I think I am going to temporarily put it off for a different song. I'm not going to name anything or disclose any information as to what songs these may be because I know Emily is my predominant reader here on my blog. She is going to be pissed that I don't name the songs. The new one I'm learning is much easier than the song I was first learning. In fact I almost have it down to a good degree. Maybe I'll post a video when I perfect it. Probably not because I will procrastinate and put off the video part. Such is the life of me I guess. Oh, one more thing.....I love you Emily!!!!

The Downward Spiral.

My last few blog posts have been depressing to say the least. This one is quite the contrary. This post is about one of the best things in my life right now. This post is about Emily. I'm going to have trouble describing how I feel here because truthfully there are no words to accurately describe it. The best I can muster is to use the concept of a downward spiral. Now when most people hear the phrase "downward spiral" the automatically tune in on the negative connotations associated with common problems such as drug addiction or a deep depression or anything else that is hard to break. I on the other hand think that a downward spiral can be one of the best things a person can go through in their life. When I first met Emily my life was average. Then within the few following months of us talking and such we started dating. Since then it has been one giant beautiful downward spiral. I describe it that way because I feel as if I found who I should be with and there is no escape, nothing can tear us apart. I just have this peace of mind knowing that she is in my life which is odd because I have never had peace of mind about much of anything let alone the future. I know as long as I'm with her no matter what shitty or awesome job I may work, how rich or poor I am, how frightened or fearless I am, I am happy. Even though I may not seem like it at times. If I had to pick one song that could describe how I feel it would be Such Great Heights covered by Iron and Wine. The lyrics never really clicked with me before I met Emily but now it just perfectly describes how I feel. It's like we are made for each other and when we are together it's like all the negative thoughts and bad feelings are gone. They will see us waiving from such great heights. "Come down now" they'll say, but everything looks perfect from far away. "Come down now" but we'll stay. I love you Emily. :)

Regret.

I hate to only be a downer but things that piss me off only seem to come to mind right now. I've been having a difficult past few weeks quitting smoking and not being able to talk to Emily. It may not sound like much to anyone else but that's all I did. I smoked and texted my girlfriend, and now I don't have anything to do. All I do now is sit on Facebook. The thing about Facebook is that all my "friends" on there are in college or at least 80 percent of them are and that's all they talk about. I hate college. I hate everyone that goes to college. College is the one subject I do not talk about. I hate the fact that everyone thinks if you don't go to college you are worthless. I don't need to spend insane amounts of money to go to school to prove myself to anyone. The worst part is how the vast majority of people that go to college think they are all high and mighty compared to anyone who doesn't. Like a while ago a few months after I graduated I saw a friend of mine who was still in school. Excited to see him I walk up and ask how he is doing and shake his hand, small talk ensues and then he drops the bombshell. "So, where are you going to college?". I replied "Oh, I'm not going to school anywhere." Then what he said next made me want to beat the shit out of him. He continued on to say "Then what are you doing!?!". He said it in such a way that it seemed college was the only option and if you don't go you are worthless. Well he did a good job of instilling the feeling of being worthless. I would probably go to college but I just don't have the monetary support to do so. I didn't do good enough in high school to get any scholarships and I doubt I qualify for much of any financial support. I refuse to do student loans because I don't want to be in debt for 30 years. And even if by some miracle I found the money I would never be able to decide on a major. I just hate thinking about it. Truthfully it makes me feel hopeless. I feel as if my future holds nothing but me going from shitty dead end job to shitty dead end job working for meager wages and being unhappy. It makes me feel like I am trapped into it and that there are no other options. And honestly when I think about it, I just want to cry. I don't cry for shit either but this is the one thing that gets to me. I guess it's just all the regret I feel for not doing shit in high school. I could have done better if I actually tried. I could actually be doing something with my life instead of working a terrible dead end job that makes me hate my life. I guess I fucked up. And there is no way to fix it now..... I guess it's to late.

Sick and Twisted.

I think I may actually start doing this on a daily basis. As I have said before my life is so average and uneventful that I can't write about my daily actions, but I think I have some interesting subject matter that I can share with the limited audience that I do hold here even if it is just for a brief moment. Let me introduce you to my mind. It is different from most people's minds or at least I would like to think it is. Just to give you a slight point of reference on where I stand in my daily thoughts, I will start with this. Most people say their mind is an enigma, they don't know how it works and why it thinks the things it does. Me on the other hand, I say my enigma is a mind. I know exactly how my mind works and why it does what it does. Everything other than my thought process is a mystery to me thus far in my life. That being said let me carry on with a small thought of mine I had a few weeks ago while at work. Have you ever really thought about the construction of the word rapist? When you really deconstruct it into the 2 parts it contains it becomes more dark and sinister than you could even have previously thought. The first part and most obvious is rape. A terrible crime which in my opinion is one of the worst things that a human being can suffer through. I think most people will agree with me on this. The second part is the suffix -ist. When you really break it down and think about the suffix -ist it is usually reserved for people who have perfected whatever action they are doing to a fine art. Words such as bassist, guitarist, titlist, philanthropist. All these words suggest a perfection in the craft in question. But when you think about the word rapist is when it starts to get a little warped. Just to me it expresses the fact that someone who commits a rape is an expert in the field of doing so. Even if they are a said "expert" in the disgusting act of committing a rape, isn't it a tiny bit disturbing to even think about it like that? Maybe it's just my way of thinking, in fact I'm sure it is just my way of thinking. I can assure you not all my thoughts are this dark but when it comes right down to it most are this interesting, well at least to me. I'm just glad I can entertain myself by thinking or else I would probably go insane....... or have I already?

I'm a horrible procrastinator.

I am supposed to be writing here every day but I can't seem to find the motivation to do so. But after a couple weeks of compiling my thoughts and ideas I have come to a realization. It has nothing to do with anything I would normally write about for the exact reason why I can't write a new blog every day. I can't just put what I do every day on here, for the sheer reason that I do the same thing every day. Literally after a week you would get a very detailed look at my life and what it entails every day. Just so you know this is what I do day in and day out.

• Monday- I get up at approximately 5:45 AM  and get ready for work. As I do so I check my phone for any text messages I may have accumulated over the few hours of sleep I may have gotten the night before. Then I sit and wait for my father to get ready and finish up things around the house before we leave at 6:10 or so. Then I enter the car and endure the painfully silent 15 minute car ride usually in which absolutely nothing is said to my dad. When we arrive at my place of occupation I then exit the car and say goodbye to my father which is the most we talk during the day. After that I wait outside the building for one of the other guys I work with to get there to unlock the door. As I wait I would usually smoke a cigarette but in the past 2 weeks since quitting this has made the waiting time even more boring. After one of my co-workers ,which is usually Dick, gets there and unlocks the door I go and sit in the punch in room ,clock in and sit there for about a half hour. During that half hour I usually check my Facebook and Myspace accounts on my phone which is about the most variety I get in my day. When 7:00 AM hits I walk out into the shop and try and get an idea what I will be doing that day even though I usually have a good idea what I will be doing. 1 of 3 terribly boring tasks await me, making cardboard boxes, gluing or stitching cardboard boxes together, or other general shop work. After 2 and a half hours of this I take my first smoke break of the day in which instead of smoking I again check my Facebook and Myspace. Then at approximately 9:40 I go back to work either continuing the first task I was assigned that day or one of the other 2 options I have. The day continues on at a aggravatingly slow pace until 12:00 sharp in which I take my lunch break. While on said break I do not eat lunch for the only reason that after 4 months of eating peanut butter sandwiches ,only because that is the only vegetarian option that is readily available in my household, I got sick of them. So I make my way to the clock in room where I sit for another half an hour browsing Facebook and Myspace. After my lunch break expires I continue on with shop work making minimal conversation with my co-workers just because I don't care to get to know any of them that well. Then at 2:00 PM I go on my second smoke break in which I do the same as my previous 2 breaks. After that I then carry on with the monotonous tasks in which I have been designated for the day until 3:30 in which I clock out and promptly leave work. Then I endure another awkwardly quiet car ride with my father until I reach my final destination of the day: my house. After walking in I briefly greet the other members of my family and remove my shoes. After that I make my way into my bedroom where I empty my pockets and gather some clothes to change into after my shower. I then carry my assorted articles of clothing into the bathroom, acquire a towel and begin to shower. Following my shower I clean my ears and proceed with some other personal hygiene while getting dressed. I then make my way to my room where I sit and watch TV or browse the internet until someone from my family tells me that they made dinner an hour ago and there are left overs that are now cold and I may be able to eat. I scavenge over that usually finishing it off but not being satisfied enough to be full. After that I then go back to my room in which I stay until about 10:00 PM at night when I change the channel to Cartoon Network to watch Adult Swim ,the only TV I watch. Then I usually end up going to sleep around midnight to 1 AM.

• Tuesday through Friday- Rinse and repeat.

This is my work week although not usually physically demanding it is mentally arduous from being so repetitive. So much that the only way I get through it is the small things. The tiny things that put some spice in my life like talking to the small amount of friends I still communicate with. Or the best thing, talking to my girlfriend. If it weren't for her I don't think I would be able to handle the terrible repetitive days and the painfully lonely nights. It's been especially bad lately because I have no way to talk to her, making these past 2 weeks so difficult I am considering starting to smoke again. I know I shouldn't and I probably won't but it's just that bad. Literally the only things that give me hope are the weekends which lately have been just as bad as the week (excluding the past one) and the conversations I hold with Emily. Hopefully I can talk to her regularly again soon because this is starting to drag me down. I think I need a change in my life. Even though I like where everything is going and it's more than anything I have ever wanted. I mean I have a decent paying job and the perfect girlfriend. I just feel I need something different. I don't know what, but hopefully I figure it out soon before the days get to me.

I am the devil, and I have come to do the devil's work.

This is my first blog and I have no idea what to write about so I think I'll do a little about me kind of deal. Most people who are reading this probably already know all this shit but oh well. My name is Joe I am 19 years old. I have a shitty job making cardboard boxes (exciting I know). I am into body modification like piercings and tattoos. I have 7 piercings including my septum my ears my tongue and tongue web and my nipples. I hope to someday get more. I have 4 guitars but I don't play very well. I love skill toys especially yo-yos. I was part of a team that constructed a first prize winning battle robot. I like graphic novels like Watchmen and V for Vendetta. I watch a lot of movies and would like to maybe go into the movie making business someday. I don't wash my hair with shampoo. I have a wonderful girlfriend named Emily who I love very much. I have weird bumps on the backs of my hands which are unexplained by modern medicine. I went to VoTech for machining and while I was there I designed and made 2 of the most complicated engravings that the school has ever seen. I listen to all kinds of music. I don't discriminate. I don't consume meat of any kind. Right at this second I hear my little brother taking a piss in the back yard. I had dreadlocks for 2 years 2 months and 14 days. I loved having them but I had to get rid of them for my job. I smoke but I plan on quitting in the near future. My feet hurt. I love the Star Wars movies and pretty much anything to do with them. I bought a full scale movie accurate replica of Yoda's lightsaber, it sits on top of my dresser on it's display stand. I have been told that on occasion I resemble a lumberjack. I want you to keep reading my blog because that would be cool. Lol I don't know what else to say about myself so I guess that's it. Maybe I'll post a real blog entry tomorrow. Lol