He systematically cut their heads off one by one.

I'm having a lack of inspiration lately. I can't think of any original content to bore you with so I will just ramble on about the new phone I picked out. I posted before that I was getting the Droid 2 R2-D2 special edition. I lied I decided on the Droid X. It can do everything that the Droid 2 can do and more. It has a higher quality camera (8 Megapixel) and shoots high definition video (true 720p) and has a HDMI output so you can play movies on a HDTV. It has more memory, 8 gigs internal with a 16 gig card preloaded. It has a gigantic screen measuring in at 4.3 inches with a 480x840 resolution. 9 home screens instead of 7. Mulitple microphones (3) located in various points over the phone for noise cancellation during calls and clearer audio recording during video. It's pretty much an all around better phone and here's the kicker..... It's the same price as a regular Droid 2. So if I bought the R2-D2 Droid 2 I would be paying 50 bucks more for less of a phone really. I can't pass up something like this. I also learned that Lucasfilm. Itd. owns the rights for the word "Droid". So from every Droid phone that is sold George Lucas is getting more money, hopefully to make more Star Wars movies. I would gladly spend a little money to fund a new Star Wars movie. Especially if I get a bad ass phone for it too. Why not show a picture of it because it is overall just an amazing looking phone.

Anyway, Sorry for the boring posts. Lately I've just been talking about cellphones and frankly I am probably boring the shit out of you. I promise I will come up with something interesting soon. But it's about time for me to hit the ol' dusty trail so goodnight everyone. I love you Emily!

Spell check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Greetings everyone. I have officially hit 100 views on my blog. Which is awesome. I actually like writing which is a big change from when I was in high school. I don't have much to say tonight. I have a few idea for better posts but I never start writing early enough to finish them so I just have this bullshit to post on here. It's just a waste of time really but oh well I like doing it. I think I might have to go on a move tomorrow which could either be a good or bad thing. Most moves are decent. Some are horrible. The horrible ones usually consist of dirty people with way to much shit, none of it packed in boxes. Or they are neat freaks that lay down plastic on the carpet and bitch about everything that we do or don't do. I like the moves that are far away. The longer the drive the better. Usually I end up riding with Billy and all we do is talk about video games. Moving is usually a painless experience and a welcomed change in scenery. I don't mind it at all when it's a 8 and a half hour job but when it gets to 16 hours that's when I start to get a little ornery. But money is money I guess. To bad I'm only making a little. I guess that's all I have to say for tonight. Sorry for the short post. Goodnight everyone. And I love you Emily!

If I got no meaning, would you force me to a place where I make sense?

Good evening everyone. I don't have much to write about tonight, but I will probably sit here for about an hour just rambling on an on about stuff that no one really cares about. I think I am going to make a few small changes in my life soon. I have already started with a major step: quitting smoking. Smoking was a major, hobby/habit of mine. Smoking seemed to cure whatever was bothering me. If I was pissed, sad, lonely, hungry, thirsty, tired, stressed whatever I was feeling a cigarette would help. Looking back on that now I realize the cigarettes weren't helping. I just thought they were which is what kept me smoking. I was truly psychologically addicted. Which is scary to think about, but I am kicking the habit. The next thing I'm going to change is what I do with my free time. I am going to start working out a little maybe some running or something of the sort. Along with the light workout schedule I am going to start playing more guitar and writing more music and lyrics. I feel like I need a creative outlet. I may also start writing a few short stories. Hopefully all these ideas don't get the best of me and I don't loose ambition, because I am notorious for my lack of ambition. I think the best way to go about this is to take it in steps. One small thing at a time. I'm going to start with the music and work my way to the writing which will hopefully help with some lyrics then to the workout routine. Working out will be the most difficult but I won't have to do it every day just a few times a week. On another note I have been loosing motivation at work also. It's hard for me to do a good job when I don't see any of the money I make, so I think I will make a semi expensive purchase soon. I'm thinking new cellphone. I am eligible for an early upgrade due to what I pay on my monthly contract. It's not a big discount but I know my phone I have now won't last another 7 months until my 2 year upgrade. I'm thinking about getting a Droid 2, but not just any Droid 2. I'm getting the limited edition R2-D2 Droid 2. It's 50 bucks more than the Droid 2 but it comes with a charging dock and a bunch of extra wallpapers and ring-tones and other stuff and the back looks like fucking R2-D2. Over all the charging dock and the custom paint job is worth the extra 50 dollars. I'll post a picture so everyone can be jealous of the bad ass phone I'm picking up in a few days.

 

It will probably be here by next week. I'm excited already. This phone is a tank it has a 1GHz processor which is just a little less than one of the processors on my dual core laptop. 8 gigs of on board memory and comes preloaded with a 8 gig microSD card but it supports up to a 32 gig microSD. A 5 megapixel camera with dual led flash capable of geo tagging. DVD quality video shooting up to 30fps and playback up to 30fps. Full feature web browser with flash on 3G network or WiFi. 3G mobile hotspot that provides a WiFi access point for up to 5 devices. Multi-point touch screen with pinch to zoom feature and 7 fully customizable home screens, and much much more. If you know anything about phones then you know why I'm excited to upgrade from my glitchy 3G multimedia phone to this titan of a mobile device. Well that's about all I got to say for tonight. Goodnight world.... And I love you Emily.

Set Me On Fire.

A weekend well spent in my opinion. I didn't get to see Emily which was the only thing that could have made it better. But things can only be so good, right? Emily's phone is finally back on now and we can talk like we used to. God I missed talking to her all the time. It's so refreshing to be able to actually carry a conversation with her again that lasts more than 10 minutes. I can't wait to talk to her all day tomorrow. My friend Jared flew up from Tennessee this morning for his birthday. It sounds lame to say but I miss him a lot. Jared and I used to hang out constantly. I always enjoy hanging out with him and the few other friends I rarely get to see. It's always fun to find things to do when there is absolutely nothing to do. Today we tried to gather up supplies to play some paintball which turned out unsuccessful. Eventually we just ended up watching cheesy Kung-Fu movies and sneaking around peoples houses at night. Sounds like we are a group of delinquents or something but it's really a lot of fun to sneak around and book it when lights turn on. I don't know what else to talk about so I will end this brief blog post. Oh and I love you Emily. And to my few other blog followers thanks for reading!

Perspective.

Well so much for the awesome week. Today I was informed by Emily that several of her friends don't like me. They say that I come off as a pompous dick that thinks I'm better than them. I like her friends. I have nothing against any of them they are all good people. I don't think I am better than them or anyone for that matter. It's all in perspective. Specifically when it comes to thinking that anyone is better than anyone else. Perspective is a big deal to me and I believe that if people would just think from another point of view that life would be easier for everyone. Unfortunately it's not that easy. Everyone gets caught up and forgets to think how you make other people feel when you talk to them, and the people who are getting treated less than fairly do the same in thinking that they are being treated that way for a specific reason. This is exactly what happened. I have this thing where I correct people. Most of the time I don't realize I do it, but I guess I do it a lot. This irritated people, and I can honestly say I understand why they are irritated. They then, from what I am lead to believe, have grown to think that I have this notion that I am better than them, which is also completely understandable. I would probably react the same way if I were in their shoes. Let me reiterate and just state again that I don't think I am better than anyone else and if I seem that way I truthfully don't mean it. I know it's how I came across and I continued to do it even after hints were made but I didn't realize this was the idea that was being cast over me. I would like to sincerely apologize to anyone who I may have done this to. Even if I have done this without realizing it, it is still my fault. I know first impressions are hard to change but I am going to try and change anyone's who thought of me like this. Emily is important to me, and her friends are important to her. Which makes them equally important to me. I never knew I had that kind of effect over people and I am actually very embarrassed about it. It's particularly embarrassing to me because I pride myself on being a firm believer of the saying "Walk a mile in someone's shoes.". I always try to view things from another perspective and keep an open mind but sometimes I just overlook things. I would like to apologize again because this whole situation has made me feel like such a prick, and the feeling is completely deserved in my part for acting like such. I may have acted like a prick but I can assure you that I am not a full time prick. I now understand that my personality can come off strong and things I say which may not be a big deal to me can be huge to someone else. When I correct and nitpick like I do I don't mean for it to be in a hurtful way. I guess it's just how I am. No one has ever complained about it before so this is completely new to me. I would like the chance for people to change their mind about me because I feel as if people haven't  gotten to know me well enough to know that when I do some things I don't mean for them to sound like they do. Most of the people I talk to as in close friends and such, have known me for 10 plus years. I know how to deal with them and they know how to deal with me. But when it comes to new people I guess I'm just not so good at being a welcoming person. I forget that not everyone knows me as well as other people do. I now understand that I seem like I judge people when really I try my hardest not to. I know that most of the people I have done this to will probably not read this. But if I can change one opinion about me it will be worth it. And Emily, I love you.

Fuck Ice.

This has been an excellent week so far. Nothing has been different except that I got to see Emily every day so far. Unfortunately I won't get to see her tomorrow, but I have high hopes for Friday. Today was exceptionally lame compared to the earlier couple of days all though today was still decent. Work was mediocre at best. Not bad but not good either. After work I dropped by Emily's house real quick to grab a bag of clothes I left there. I was only there for a minute or two. I wish I could have stayed longer. Emily told me earlier today that she left me a little note in my bag of clothes. Reading it was one of the best parts of my day. I love it when she does stuff like that. My mom had to go to the store so while she was inside I read the note like three or four times. Then I ate a cookie and drank some ice water. After the water was gone I wanted to chew on some ice. As I tried to bite a hunk of frozen together ice cubes I ended up biting my tongue really hard. The only thing I could do to vent my frustration from biting my tongue was to scream obscenities at the ice. Then I found these floss pick things that you use to floss your teeth. So I used one and ended up making my gums bleed. So I swore at the floss pick too. After that I noticed an old lady walking through the parking lot staring at me. An intense stare down ensued. I won. All I did when I got home was play PSP games and talk to Emily on the phone. All in all today was a good day.

Strawberry Poptarts.

Hello everyone. Tonight's post will be quick due to my busy night and it being late. I saw a movie tonight with Emily her friend Cheyenne. As we were standing outside of the theater waiting for the movie to start I saw my friend Nathan and his mom walk up. They were seeing the same movie that we were which was Jackass 3D. I have to say overall Jackass was worth going to see. I don't have a weak stomach but the one part almost made me ralph all over the floor. It was awesome. After the movie Emily Cheyenne and I walked over to Walmart. We shopped for sunglasses and the one lady who worked there said I would have looked good in the little kids Micky Mouse sunglasses that had a visor with mouse ears on them. If they would have fit my head better I would have bought them right then and there. Then we walked to the back of the store and got some 47 cent cartons of tea. I love that tea but Emily and Cheyenne weren't fans. Cheyenne ended up throwing hers allover the ground and Emily gave the rest of hers to Cheyenne. Cheyenne then proceeded to drink from it like it was the Holy Grail or something. I made fun of her and called her carton of tea a glorious chalice. Emily and Cheyenne laughed uncontrollably about that for a while I didn't think it was all that hilarious. Probably because it didn't compare to watching someone have explosive shit fly out of their ass onto a model train set or blow bubbles by farting. After that was the worst part of my night. I had to say goodbye to Emily. I hate saying goodbye to her. After her and Cheyenne left I had to hang out at Walmart till my Mom came and got me. I looked around the video game section and decided to make a few purchases. I bought a new charger for my PSP and a new game. Now I will have some entertainment for a few weeks. I got to talk to Emily on the phone for a bit which was nice. She thinks I hate talking on the phone but I really don't. I hate calling people I don't talk to all the time on the phone. Like my grandparents or a friend of a friend or like a pizza place.  After I got off the phone I read Emily's blog which honestly almost made me cry. It was about how she was sick before we started dating and the first time she told me that she loved me. I remember it so well. I was at my friends Matt and Logan's house. I woke up early just to text Emily. We were texting like normal and all of the sudden she didn't reply for a while. Once she texted me back she told me she coughed up a lot of blood and was on her way to the hospital. I was so worried I didn't know what to do. I was telling Matt about it trying to hold off tears in his kitchen as I was toasting a strawberry Poptart. As I was telling Matt about the situation Emily told me that everything was going to be alright and that she loved me. I replied that I believed her and that I loved her too. I dreaded telling every other girlfriend I have ever had that I loved them. It always sounded awkward to me. But with Emily it was never awkward and we weren't even dating at the time. I was still insanely worried and truthfully I am still a little worried about her. I don't know what else to say in this blog. It was supposed to be short but it ended up taking me an hour to write and all I did was ramble about my day which was actually eventful for once. But I have to be getting to sleep. I love you Emily!!!!

Where you born on a chicken farm?

As of now right this minute as I am typing this into my blog I have been dating Emily for exactly 201 days 20 hours and 48 minutes. I can honestly say that since then my life has never been the same. That exact moment on an early Friday morning will never leave my mind for as long as I live. I was camping with my family that weekend. I had the Thursday before off work so we went early to the campground and set up. I was not enthused to be there at all. I remember distinctly how bored I thought I would be the entire time. Luckily Emily was able to talk to me through Myspace messages. I spent all day Thursday talking to her late into the night. I was sleeping in my Mom's van because there was not enough room for me to sleep comfortably in the camper we brought. This was fine with me because I could stay up as late as I wanted without bothering anyone else in my family. Emily and I had been talking about how my Mom had asked me about her and if we were dating and how everyone thinks we would be a good couple. She told me to look at her comments to see what her friend Beth was saying about us. I told her I saw it and said that it sounds like from the half of the conversation that I read that she is going to wait for me to ask her out, which horrified me I have never asked anyone out I have barely been asked out myself. She played dumb and acted like she had no idea what I was talking about and quickly assumed that I was drunk. Eventually the conversation shifted to the question game. The question game is something Emily and I used to do just to get to know each other and because it was very entertaining. We quickly got bored of the question game and started telling each other cheesy pickup lines. After doing that for a while I started to get tired and started dosing off. It makes me sound like a horrible person falling asleep like that but right before I go to sleep and that half sleep where you are just starting to loose control of the ability to open your eyes is where I enter intense thought. All I could think about was Emily and that's how it had been for a while. I had never experienced this before. I have had girlfriends before though not many, I had realized that I have never really liked any of them let alone loved them. With Emily it was different. I distinctly remember thinking that to myself in the cold back seat of the van. Emily was still sending me Myspace messages containing cheesy pickup lines and I debated to myself weather I should ask her out or not. After a few minutes of stalling with her to make up my mind I finally decided after what seemed like hours of deliberation that I would go for it and I would do it now. I nervously typed out these exact words on my phone "Lol ok I got one more then I have to get some sleep lol so do want to make it official and start dating? Lol". I closed my eyes laid there for a second with one finger on the send button and one on the delete button. I was so anxious and nervous yet confident at the same time. There were a million thoughts running through my head. And then I did it. At 1:47 AM early morning on Friday June 18th I sent it. My heart was racing as I waited for the reply. Precisely 3 minutes later I got one. All it said was "ummm... yess! lol". At that second the biggest smile came across my face. At that second I was as happy as I have ever been before. And ever since then it's been perfect. I love Emily more and more every day. I feel like we are perfect for each other. She always says that I will get tired of her one day but I know that I will get tired of myself before she ever has that kind of effect on me. I know it's only been 4 months but I feel like I have been waiting all my life to meet her. This can't be a simple infatuation I know it's true love. Call me what you will and talk all the shit you want on how there is no such thing as true love but I know at least for me I have found it. In the vast sea of worthless people out there, all the wastes of human flesh and bone piled together in a poor excuse of a human being. I have found the one that I truly care about more than myself. I would give anything for Emily just to feel happy for a split second. I don't expect anyone else to get what I am saying or to agree with it at all. I don't even care what you have to say about my situation. I know what it is in my heart and I am in it for the long haul. Come whatever may I am up for it. Be it good times or bad. I wish I could verbally express it better, but English words that are in my vocabulary just fall short when I try to explain it so I will leave it at this. I love you Emily with all of my heart. I never want anyone else you are the only one for me and I couldn't picture myself without you at this point. I honestly don't remember what it's like to wake up and not have that void I felt before I had you. I love you more than Elvis loves fried chicken. Happy anniversary.

I understood writing could be dangerous. I didn't realize the danger came from the machinery.

Hello everyone. I think I am starting to get addicted to blogging. Every time I lay down to go to sleep I just feel like blogging. I may have replaced my addiction to cigarettes with writing. Sounds lame as hell but I guess it's a lot healthier. I got to see Emily today. It was only for a few hours but it was the highlight of my past week. All we did was walk around and complain about how bored we were but I would rather be bored with her than do a lot of other things. She drew me a picture a few days ago and she gave it to me tonight. I love it when she draws me things. I wish I could have seen her longer but at least we got the few hours we did. The weekend was so painfully boring that I was in a shitty mood the entire time. But I did do some cool stuff with my computer. I downloaded a few movies the most interesting one being the Naked Lunch. That movie is so fucked up I can't even explain the plot. If you like weird insect alien looking things that have penises on their heads which secrete 2 different intoxicating and addictive liquids, then this movie is for you. The other movie was Screamers. It's a dystopian future science fiction movie about self replicating adaptive robots that kill people. Dystopian movies are my thing. If you don't know what a dystopian movie is let me explain. The word dystopian describes literature that is often futuristic that is an anti-utopia. Oppressive governments with totalitarian overtones rampant with disease and social unrest usually post apocalyptic or very close to the actual apocalypse. Good examples are Watchmen, V for Vendetta, Soilet Green, Terminator all being some of the best movies in existence. Other than downloading movies I made my desktop a bad ass command center. Let me put up a picture so you can bask in my nerdiness.

Everything that is blue has been added by me and is fully interactive. I can monitor almost every aspect of my computer all from here. Read and write speeds and remaining space on my both of my HDDs, remaining and free Ram, temperature monitoring on everything, free space in my recycle bin, real time radar weather map, world time, and a Winamp controller plus a few other things. All on my desktop. All custom. All in real time. And yes that is a StarCraft background. God I love being a nerd. Speaking of being a nerd I downloaded a new MMORTS also this weekend. It's called League of Legends. If you are into any kind of RTS look into it it's free, simple to pick up, and fun as hell. It's been compared to DotA which I have never played but I know it is wildly popular. But anyway if you play already or decide to download it my username is joep4618 or Captainredbeard7 I'm not sure which. But I'm sure you are tired of hearing me blabber on about shit you probably don't care about. And I have to be getting to bed. And Metalocalypse is on soon. So goodnight and Emily if you are reading this which I know you are I love you!!!

Mother don't worry, she's got a garden we're planting together.

I have been in a terrific mood today for some reason. Nothing good happened nothing special at all actually. I don't know what it is but I like it. Hopefully it lasts. I may have to work some overtime this Saturday and I hope I do actually. If I do I will walk to Emily's house afterwords and spend the day with her. I don't think I have ever been so excited to work overtime in my life. It's now official Emily can make even the most undesirable activities perfectly tolerable. Even if I just got to see her for 5 minutes on Saturday I would still put up with the 8 and a half hours of work. I'm so glad that her and I found each other. Honestly, I can't imagine life without her. I have no idea what I would be doing or where I would be if I had never met her. I love her so much. I wish I could express it better and explain it how I feel it. Words just don't do it justice. She just makes me so happy by doing nothing. I could just look at her and it would put a smile on my face. She is perfect in every way. I like how when I start writing a blog with no real idea for a topic I end up talking about Emily. I'm sure everyone else who reads this is tired of hearing about her if anyone else even reads this. Oh well I'm not going to stop. I love you Emily.

Updating.

I don't have any philosophical shit to lay down tonight so I guess I will just blog about my plans for the rest of the month. As lame as it is I'm sure someone will read it. October is one of my favorite months just because I get to dress up. I don't even care if I go trick or treating or not I just like to dress up. Last year I painted my face corpse paint style. It was bad ass. This year I'm going full out zombie. I'm not saying pale face with black around my eyes and some fake blood. I'm going full out open wounds with oozing gashes and broken bones and split jugulars. I have been studying costume makeup for a while now and I bought the supplies I need at the local Halloween store.

There is a little sample of what I can do. That's my little sisters arm by the way. I am doing this makeup for myself and my wonderful girlfriend for the 2 zombie walks being held around here. Hopefully I will win a prize for best zombie. I'm getting anxious now the first zombie walk is only 9 days away. I think I may do the makeup for my family and we may go trick or treating as a zombie family. It's awesome I know. Hopefully there are some good Halloween parties this year but it's unlikely that anything will come up. Hopefully I will get to spend some time with Emily soon. I really wish I could talk to her like we used to. Her having her phone shut off is difficult but things could be much worse and I'm just thankful I get to talk to her at all. Quick subject change here. I had been previously learning a song for my girlfriend and I think I am going to temporarily put it off for a different song. I'm not going to name anything or disclose any information as to what songs these may be because I know Emily is my predominant reader here on my blog. She is going to be pissed that I don't name the songs. The new one I'm learning is much easier than the song I was first learning. In fact I almost have it down to a good degree. Maybe I'll post a video when I perfect it. Probably not because I will procrastinate and put off the video part. Such is the life of me I guess. Oh, one more thing.....I love you Emily!!!!

The Downward Spiral.

My last few blog posts have been depressing to say the least. This one is quite the contrary. This post is about one of the best things in my life right now. This post is about Emily. I'm going to have trouble describing how I feel here because truthfully there are no words to accurately describe it. The best I can muster is to use the concept of a downward spiral. Now when most people hear the phrase "downward spiral" the automatically tune in on the negative connotations associated with common problems such as drug addiction or a deep depression or anything else that is hard to break. I on the other hand think that a downward spiral can be one of the best things a person can go through in their life. When I first met Emily my life was average. Then within the few following months of us talking and such we started dating. Since then it has been one giant beautiful downward spiral. I describe it that way because I feel as if I found who I should be with and there is no escape, nothing can tear us apart. I just have this peace of mind knowing that she is in my life which is odd because I have never had peace of mind about much of anything let alone the future. I know as long as I'm with her no matter what shitty or awesome job I may work, how rich or poor I am, how frightened or fearless I am, I am happy. Even though I may not seem like it at times. If I had to pick one song that could describe how I feel it would be Such Great Heights covered by Iron and Wine. The lyrics never really clicked with me before I met Emily but now it just perfectly describes how I feel. It's like we are made for each other and when we are together it's like all the negative thoughts and bad feelings are gone. They will see us waiving from such great heights. "Come down now" they'll say, but everything looks perfect from far away. "Come down now" but we'll stay. I love you Emily. :)

Regret.

I hate to only be a downer but things that piss me off only seem to come to mind right now. I've been having a difficult past few weeks quitting smoking and not being able to talk to Emily. It may not sound like much to anyone else but that's all I did. I smoked and texted my girlfriend, and now I don't have anything to do. All I do now is sit on Facebook. The thing about Facebook is that all my "friends" on there are in college or at least 80 percent of them are and that's all they talk about. I hate college. I hate everyone that goes to college. College is the one subject I do not talk about. I hate the fact that everyone thinks if you don't go to college you are worthless. I don't need to spend insane amounts of money to go to school to prove myself to anyone. The worst part is how the vast majority of people that go to college think they are all high and mighty compared to anyone who doesn't. Like a while ago a few months after I graduated I saw a friend of mine who was still in school. Excited to see him I walk up and ask how he is doing and shake his hand, small talk ensues and then he drops the bombshell. "So, where are you going to college?". I replied "Oh, I'm not going to school anywhere." Then what he said next made me want to beat the shit out of him. He continued on to say "Then what are you doing!?!". He said it in such a way that it seemed college was the only option and if you don't go you are worthless. Well he did a good job of instilling the feeling of being worthless. I would probably go to college but I just don't have the monetary support to do so. I didn't do good enough in high school to get any scholarships and I doubt I qualify for much of any financial support. I refuse to do student loans because I don't want to be in debt for 30 years. And even if by some miracle I found the money I would never be able to decide on a major. I just hate thinking about it. Truthfully it makes me feel hopeless. I feel as if my future holds nothing but me going from shitty dead end job to shitty dead end job working for meager wages and being unhappy. It makes me feel like I am trapped into it and that there are no other options. And honestly when I think about it, I just want to cry. I don't cry for shit either but this is the one thing that gets to me. I guess it's just all the regret I feel for not doing shit in high school. I could have done better if I actually tried. I could actually be doing something with my life instead of working a terrible dead end job that makes me hate my life. I guess I fucked up. And there is no way to fix it now..... I guess it's to late.

Sick and Twisted.

I think I may actually start doing this on a daily basis. As I have said before my life is so average and uneventful that I can't write about my daily actions, but I think I have some interesting subject matter that I can share with the limited audience that I do hold here even if it is just for a brief moment. Let me introduce you to my mind. It is different from most people's minds or at least I would like to think it is. Just to give you a slight point of reference on where I stand in my daily thoughts, I will start with this. Most people say their mind is an enigma, they don't know how it works and why it thinks the things it does. Me on the other hand, I say my enigma is a mind. I know exactly how my mind works and why it does what it does. Everything other than my thought process is a mystery to me thus far in my life. That being said let me carry on with a small thought of mine I had a few weeks ago while at work. Have you ever really thought about the construction of the word rapist? When you really deconstruct it into the 2 parts it contains it becomes more dark and sinister than you could even have previously thought. The first part and most obvious is rape. A terrible crime which in my opinion is one of the worst things that a human being can suffer through. I think most people will agree with me on this. The second part is the suffix -ist. When you really break it down and think about the suffix -ist it is usually reserved for people who have perfected whatever action they are doing to a fine art. Words such as bassist, guitarist, titlist, philanthropist. All these words suggest a perfection in the craft in question. But when you think about the word rapist is when it starts to get a little warped. Just to me it expresses the fact that someone who commits a rape is an expert in the field of doing so. Even if they are a said "expert" in the disgusting act of committing a rape, isn't it a tiny bit disturbing to even think about it like that? Maybe it's just my way of thinking, in fact I'm sure it is just my way of thinking. I can assure you not all my thoughts are this dark but when it comes right down to it most are this interesting, well at least to me. I'm just glad I can entertain myself by thinking or else I would probably go insane....... or have I already?

I'm a horrible procrastinator.

I am supposed to be writing here every day but I can't seem to find the motivation to do so. But after a couple weeks of compiling my thoughts and ideas I have come to a realization. It has nothing to do with anything I would normally write about for the exact reason why I can't write a new blog every day. I can't just put what I do every day on here, for the sheer reason that I do the same thing every day. Literally after a week you would get a very detailed look at my life and what it entails every day. Just so you know this is what I do day in and day out.

• Monday- I get up at approximately 5:45 AM  and get ready for work. As I do so I check my phone for any text messages I may have accumulated over the few hours of sleep I may have gotten the night before. Then I sit and wait for my father to get ready and finish up things around the house before we leave at 6:10 or so. Then I enter the car and endure the painfully silent 15 minute car ride usually in which absolutely nothing is said to my dad. When we arrive at my place of occupation I then exit the car and say goodbye to my father which is the most we talk during the day. After that I wait outside the building for one of the other guys I work with to get there to unlock the door. As I wait I would usually smoke a cigarette but in the past 2 weeks since quitting this has made the waiting time even more boring. After one of my co-workers ,which is usually Dick, gets there and unlocks the door I go and sit in the punch in room ,clock in and sit there for about a half hour. During that half hour I usually check my Facebook and Myspace accounts on my phone which is about the most variety I get in my day. When 7:00 AM hits I walk out into the shop and try and get an idea what I will be doing that day even though I usually have a good idea what I will be doing. 1 of 3 terribly boring tasks await me, making cardboard boxes, gluing or stitching cardboard boxes together, or other general shop work. After 2 and a half hours of this I take my first smoke break of the day in which instead of smoking I again check my Facebook and Myspace. Then at approximately 9:40 I go back to work either continuing the first task I was assigned that day or one of the other 2 options I have. The day continues on at a aggravatingly slow pace until 12:00 sharp in which I take my lunch break. While on said break I do not eat lunch for the only reason that after 4 months of eating peanut butter sandwiches ,only because that is the only vegetarian option that is readily available in my household, I got sick of them. So I make my way to the clock in room where I sit for another half an hour browsing Facebook and Myspace. After my lunch break expires I continue on with shop work making minimal conversation with my co-workers just because I don't care to get to know any of them that well. Then at 2:00 PM I go on my second smoke break in which I do the same as my previous 2 breaks. After that I then carry on with the monotonous tasks in which I have been designated for the day until 3:30 in which I clock out and promptly leave work. Then I endure another awkwardly quiet car ride with my father until I reach my final destination of the day: my house. After walking in I briefly greet the other members of my family and remove my shoes. After that I make my way into my bedroom where I empty my pockets and gather some clothes to change into after my shower. I then carry my assorted articles of clothing into the bathroom, acquire a towel and begin to shower. Following my shower I clean my ears and proceed with some other personal hygiene while getting dressed. I then make my way to my room where I sit and watch TV or browse the internet until someone from my family tells me that they made dinner an hour ago and there are left overs that are now cold and I may be able to eat. I scavenge over that usually finishing it off but not being satisfied enough to be full. After that I then go back to my room in which I stay until about 10:00 PM at night when I change the channel to Cartoon Network to watch Adult Swim ,the only TV I watch. Then I usually end up going to sleep around midnight to 1 AM.

• Tuesday through Friday- Rinse and repeat.

This is my work week although not usually physically demanding it is mentally arduous from being so repetitive. So much that the only way I get through it is the small things. The tiny things that put some spice in my life like talking to the small amount of friends I still communicate with. Or the best thing, talking to my girlfriend. If it weren't for her I don't think I would be able to handle the terrible repetitive days and the painfully lonely nights. It's been especially bad lately because I have no way to talk to her, making these past 2 weeks so difficult I am considering starting to smoke again. I know I shouldn't and I probably won't but it's just that bad. Literally the only things that give me hope are the weekends which lately have been just as bad as the week (excluding the past one) and the conversations I hold with Emily. Hopefully I can talk to her regularly again soon because this is starting to drag me down. I think I need a change in my life. Even though I like where everything is going and it's more than anything I have ever wanted. I mean I have a decent paying job and the perfect girlfriend. I just feel I need something different. I don't know what, but hopefully I figure it out soon before the days get to me.